A few weeks ago my 86 year old mother began her “excellent adventure.” She traveled to San Francisco to visit Bonnie and her family. Bonnie made all the plans and set to precision all the variables: how to get Mom to the airport, wheelchair access, credentials for me to walk her to the gate, Bonnie’s daughters home for their break from college, etc., etc. Of course the biggest variable of all was Mom’s ability to go that far from home and stay with Bonnie for 9 days. But she did it and I wanted to share with you the funny stuff.
Crazy Stuff Mom did on the Trip
1. The night before the trip I traveled to Lorain to spend the night at Mom’s so I could take her to the airport – she had a 9:00 a.m. flight (which of course means we left her house at 5:30 for the 35 minute drive). Mom had a productive day and by that I mean she had her hair done and a pedicure, complete with jewel inserts. I arrived in Lorain to find her in 17 degree weather wearing flip flops to protect her new toe look. We go to dinner where Mom bites down on a crunchy baguette and cracks the cap on her front tooth. I am thinking this is now Bonnie’s problem.
2. We get to the airport easily and stand in line to check her bag (none of that leaving it at the curb – she is convinced it won’t get to the proper place). We also get her boarding pass, a wheelchair and an escort pass for me. Our wheelchair attendant was Elizabeth and Mom whispered to ask me what her tip should be. When I said $5.00, Mom choked.
3. OK she is off. I wait at the gate until the plane backs up. Bonnie safely gets her at the other end in San Fran. Bonnie promptly takes her to lunch since she is apparently going to die if she doesn’t eat lunch no matter what time zone she is in.
4. She announces to Bonnie she has a broken cap and won’t go to a dentist. I didn’t realize she had so few teeth and uses her front teeth to chew, like a squirrel…so now Bonnie has to figure out how to feed her soft foods for the next 9 days. Sorry Bonnie.
5. Bonnie lives in Modesto and has a fab new house with its own pool house/guest cottage, so Mom opts to stay there and I am thinking Bonnie is one lucky girl since Mom can do what she wants out there and not drive anyone too nuts. Mom is skittish about meeting Bonnie’s dog, Dodger but all goes well since he is a cutie pie.
6. Bonnie calls me and says she has to make “Snaggle Tooth” a different soup each day as that is pretty much all she can eat. She makes French onion, potato leek, tomato, etc.
7. Bonnie takes her to a casino where she wins $338 using “Mom Math” which she means she only counts her winnings, not the money she spent betting. Mom is thrilled and I say “good thing!” as Mom is very cranky when someone wins other than herself.
8. Mom tells Bonnie she figures she is “healthy from the head down but not so hot from the head up.” I mean she is deaf, has one bad eye and we won’t discuss her hair. Her mind is still very sharp though and with her foot troubles from her diabetes I think she is healthier up than down and so does Bonnie. (Her ears are really getting huge, so that would be a negative on the head up theory).
9. The funniest thing that happened though is the photo Bonnie sent me of herself and Mom wearing the same dress. She titled it “Bitch Stole My Look” from the Joan River’s Fashion Police show (if you have never seen this you must watch – it is hysterical). They both own the same dress and are looking so cute, much like my Tete Menka and her daughter Vivian who wore the same clothes until Tete passed away at 80 some years old. Pretty sure Bon is not going to make this a trend.
1. The night before the trip I traveled to Lorain to spend the night at Mom’s so I could take her to the airport – she had a 9:00 a.m. flight (which of course means we left her house at 5:30 for the 35 minute drive). Mom had a productive day and by that I mean she had her hair done and a pedicure, complete with jewel inserts. I arrived in Lorain to find her in 17 degree weather wearing flip flops to protect her new toe look. We go to dinner where Mom bites down on a crunchy baguette and cracks the cap on her front tooth. I am thinking this is now Bonnie’s problem.
2. We get to the airport easily and stand in line to check her bag (none of that leaving it at the curb – she is convinced it won’t get to the proper place). We also get her boarding pass, a wheelchair and an escort pass for me. Our wheelchair attendant was Elizabeth and Mom whispered to ask me what her tip should be. When I said $5.00, Mom choked.
3. OK she is off. I wait at the gate until the plane backs up. Bonnie safely gets her at the other end in San Fran. Bonnie promptly takes her to lunch since she is apparently going to die if she doesn’t eat lunch no matter what time zone she is in.
4. She announces to Bonnie she has a broken cap and won’t go to a dentist. I didn’t realize she had so few teeth and uses her front teeth to chew, like a squirrel…so now Bonnie has to figure out how to feed her soft foods for the next 9 days. Sorry Bonnie.
5. Bonnie lives in Modesto and has a fab new house with its own pool house/guest cottage, so Mom opts to stay there and I am thinking Bonnie is one lucky girl since Mom can do what she wants out there and not drive anyone too nuts. Mom is skittish about meeting Bonnie’s dog, Dodger but all goes well since he is a cutie pie.
6. Bonnie calls me and says she has to make “Snaggle Tooth” a different soup each day as that is pretty much all she can eat. She makes French onion, potato leek, tomato, etc.
7. Bonnie takes her to a casino where she wins $338 using “Mom Math” which she means she only counts her winnings, not the money she spent betting. Mom is thrilled and I say “good thing!” as Mom is very cranky when someone wins other than herself.
8. Mom tells Bonnie she figures she is “healthy from the head down but not so hot from the head up.” I mean she is deaf, has one bad eye and we won’t discuss her hair. Her mind is still very sharp though and with her foot troubles from her diabetes I think she is healthier up than down and so does Bonnie. (Her ears are really getting huge, so that would be a negative on the head up theory).
9. The funniest thing that happened though is the photo Bonnie sent me of herself and Mom wearing the same dress. She titled it “Bitch Stole My Look” from the Joan River’s Fashion Police show (if you have never seen this you must watch – it is hysterical). They both own the same dress and are looking so cute, much like my Tete Menka and her daughter Vivian who wore the same clothes until Tete passed away at 80 some years old. Pretty sure Bon is not going to make this a trend.
10. Bonnie travels with Mom back to Cleveland and spends a few days there, finding a good dentist, a podiatrist and buys her a new toaster. That Bonnie is one great daughter and sister. Mom is home and couldn’t wait to tell all her friends about her “excellent adventure.”
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2 comments:
This is so funny - your mom is so cute!! I love the picture of the dress as in "Who wears it better" from People magazine! Your mom is great!
Aren't they funny? Adie submitted this to the Fashion Police website thinking they might get a kick out of it too!
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